12 STEPS to Recovery — STEP #8
Focus on the Recovery Process
The instruction to make a list of the persons we’ve harmed, will require some intentional thinking concerning people whose lives were affected by our addictive behaviors. This will take time and contemplation. This list may well begin with God. In what ways have my harmful habits, addictions, obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions hurt His heart of love and diminished His reputation. Next, we might include the members of our family of origin, and if we have our own family – our wife, husband and/or children. Others who may have experienced harm could include friends, teachers, classmates, work associates, fellow church members, etc. And don’t forget one’s self.
Next, it is important to clarify the word “harm.” Many will say to themselves and others: “My harmful habits haven’t hurt or harmed anyone but me.” “I provided for my family.” “No one knows about my addiction.” However, harm may be understood as more than just overt abuse. Whether in the context of physical, financial, sexual, emotional, or spiritual harm – a diminished ability to be all that a person is capable of being is also harmful. People may be harmed as a result of my not being fully present in mind and body. Neglect is considered a form of harm.
This step includes the process of becoming willing to make amends to all the people who are on the list. Willingness is about preparing for Step 9, which will involve the actual making amends with the people on the list. This step (Step 8) suggests a readiness to do “whatever it takes” to mend broken relationships with these people and to strengthen the relationships that are weak as a result of the harm we have caused them to experience.
The amends consist of more than just being sorry. These amends are for the purpose of righting wrongs whenever possible and taking responsibility for the harm caused. The example of Zacchaeus comes to mind as someone who was ready and willing to “make amends” to the people he had harmed. He spoke of his willingness as follows: “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have overcharged people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!” Luke 19:8 NLT.
Perhaps you are asking: “How will I make amends to God and myself?” A good place to begin might be to consider participating in a Journey to Wholeness group. Willingness to “make” amends to oneself may necessitate stopping or balancing out-of-control behaviors. This might mean planning to attend a 12 – step group for overeaters if that is your challenge. Or if your harmful practices include immoral sexual activity – “sexual immorality is a sin against your own body” (I Corinthians 6:18 NLT), finding a 12 – step group for people with your compulsive acting out will be a good place to begin making amends relative to these behaviors. Remember, God loves you just as much as the others you have harmed.