12 STEPS to Recovery — STEP #9 Do I have a Log in My Eye?

Focus on the Recovery Process

We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory in Step 4. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory.

When we did step 4 we may have played the blame game and listed people that we have resentments toward as the root of our repeated relapses into what we are trying to overcome. We do a proper 5th Step with a person living a life practicing these biblical principles outlined in the 12 steps and has been doing it consistently for a while. We then see as God and our sponsor guides us, the role we have played in each of these folk’s lives and why perhaps the relationship is rocky to say the least.

We want to make amends not an apology. We may have been apologizing in our practicing dysfunction many times however, digressed time and again. The person we want to make amends to probably by now has little or no faith in apologies or promises concerning the behavior.

Let’s look at some definitions:
a•pol•o•gize (intr.v. a•pol•o•gized, a•pol•o•giz•ing, a•pol•o•giz•es)

  1. To make excuse for or regretful acknowledgment of a fault or offense.
  2. To make a formal defense or justification in speech or writing.

a•mend (v. a•mend•ed, a•mend•ing, a•mends)

  1. To change for the better; improve: amended the earlier proposal so as to make it more comprehensive.
  2. To remove the faults or errors in; correct.
  3. To alter (a legislative measure, for example) formally by adding, deleting, or rephrasing.
  4. To enrich (soil), especially by mixing in organic matter or sand.

Simple but not easy!

When making the amends, we find many times that the person we have harmed is more than willing to accept the amends happily — and a healing process begins not only in the relationship, but in each individual. This is not always the case, however. Sometimes the injured party is not willing to forgive and forget. Regardless, spiritual progress for those in recovery depends upon doing their part right and making direct amends.

This step does carry a condition—except when to do so would injure them or others. If the act of making amends will open old wounds or create new harm, then making direct amends should be avoided. The benefit of making amends to the recovering person does not outweigh the need to do no more harm.

The most important things to remember to exercise this step are Willingness, Prayer, a Sponsor’s input and especially the Golden Rule (MK 12:30-31).

There is much to learn about this and all the Biblical principles of recovery. Learn how to get involved at www.AdventistRecovery.org