Support Systems and Recovery
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Much has been written about the importance of an appropriate support system in the recovery process. But, what does support look like? How much is too much? When does support itself become an addiction or is that even possible? How do you tell the difference between support and enabling?
When I speak of support I am speaking of resources that are available to a person who has made the conscious choice to turn from his or her addiction and to institute a lifestyle change that is not subject to the power of addictive substances, behaviors or emotional states. Support can be in the form of organized treatment facilities, unstructured meetings, groups and or individual therapy sessions, as well as family, friends, neighbors, church members and colleagues. Any person or group of persons who touch the lives of the addict can be included in his support system.
So how does support happen and who determines the appropriateness of the support? Addiction may begin as a response to stress, defeat, emotional upheaval, a traumatic event, or the inability to manage some area of our lives. We are seeking comfort and escape from the pains of life. But the very nature of addiction is that it takes control over us, demands satisfaction, and keeps us in bondage, irrespective of what the side effects might be if we dare withdraw from usage or participation. And we are helpless outside of God’s grace and professional intervention to do anything other than give in to the addiction. So just making the decision (no matter how sincere we are) is not going to be enough. Professional intervention will often include varying forms of support. Support in the recovery process takes on different meanings depending on the level of commitment and a person’s preparedness for change.
Active addiction in families disrupts the harmony that was intended by God by destroying family bonds, causing marital discord and damaging other relationships. God is calling for healing and restoration of these precious families and since addiction is a family disease the recovery process in its most effective state must also include family support. The definition of family though is no longer limited to biological relatives but must now incorporate friends, coworkers and others who are willing to make the commitment to engage in the lifelong process of support necessary in the recovery experience. Addiction isolates and devalues us and we are inundated with a sense of shame, guilt, and low self worth. During the recovery process we have the opportunity through interaction with family, (I have already indicated who family includes) to reclaim those intimate, personal, nurturing, heartwarming interactions that build up, restore and uplift.
A support system includes those who love you, claim you, hug you, and encourage you even when you do not feel huggable or lovable. Supportive friends are those who don’t judge or ridicule or condemn though you may feel you deserve all of the above. They are also those who confront inappropriate behavior, speak the truth about their experience of you, and call you into accountability when you stray from the decision you have made. Where will you find this kind of support? You will find it in 12 step programs, churches, homes of friends, in your own home, therapy groups, at work and in other places where “family” resides.
A person can never have too much support. However, addicts can become too dependent and begin to minimize the importance of support or discount those who are offering it. You will know if it has taken the place of your addiction if you find yourself unable to think or function without someone else or something else governing your every decision. If the thought of them not being available sends you into withdrawal then you might want to take a look at your response and the level of their involvement in your recovery process. Those with a tendency to addiction can also become overly dependent on their support group. A healthy support system is designed to connect us with God, but we can also develop an unhealthy relationship with Him. God supports us to become mature, differentiated individuals who can ultimately freely choose to depend upon God from a position of wholeness rather than weakness. This is healthy dependence. Healthy support knows when to let go. God know when to let go and when to hold us up in loving support with a wisdom that surpasses that of any human being.