Testimony
Focus on the Recovery Process
The last time I was in Seattle, I was so drunk I couldn’t deliver my shipment of household goods at the appointed time. I called the shipper to say I was stuck in traffic. Meanwhile I was drinking bottles of Gatorade and jogging around my truck trying to clear my system. I finally arrived at the house at 10 am with at least half a tub of peanut butter in my gut and six bottles of Gatorade to boot
It was soon after this trip that I was in our moving warehouse. I had a yellow moving strap wrapped around my neck and was ready to leap from the storage balcony. I breathed in relief with the thought of death; just hanging there with all the fear and turmoil of my life gone. Gone and done, in the instant of a jump.
I scrolled thru my iPhone looking for someone to leave a video message to. I saw the name of a friend who had gone thru a treatment center. I wondered if a treatment center would help me. I gave it long thought; and then for the first time in my life I made a phone call for some real help.
In treatment, I learned to face my fears. I discovered that I feared so much. I cried every day for the first two weeks of treatment as I processed my fears. I was afraid at an early life of the sky falling on me, I feared God, I was very much afraid of my parents and some of my siblings. I learned thru my fears to protect myself thru dishonesty. A second Daniel was born to protect himself. That Daniel was safe and secret. No one could hurt him and he could do anything he wanted to. I would lie, cheat or steal to protect him.
When the shadowy honest Daniel could no longer stand the second clear dishonest Daniel the only choice available was the two to become one or death. Some might think the opposite is true, but the fact is, that the person we hide in ourselves is actually the honest one we never let out to be seen by most.
As I stood before my treatment center group of 10 guys, tears ran freely down my face as I honestly shared my fears of life and how it led to drinking. Most of those hardened alcoholics and drug addicts wept openly as I shared my story of fears. Fear had taken us all to places unthinkable. When I was done sharing the ‘two Daniels’ had become one tentatively and all those guys hugged me one at a time some crying very hard as they all shared my grief of fear and joy of life.