Testimonial
Focus on the Recovery Process
I grew up in a Seventh-day Adventist Christian home. I enjoyed it and made on-going commitments to follow Jesus. At age 12 I was a baptized. At age 15 my relationship with Jesus moved from being intellectual to more personal. I read the gospels along with the book, Desire of Ages.
The next year I had a conviction to become a pastor. That led me to focus on being the best Christian I could be. However, I began to see a lot of faults in myself. At first, I thought I’ll just have to work harder to overcome them. The more I tried, the more frustrated and guilt ridden I became. Unresolved guilt led to shame. Shame led to emotional pain. Binging on food became a temporary pain reliever. That of course led to more guilt, shame, and the need for another pain reliever. I found myself in the cycle of addiction and afraid to talk to anyone about it out of fear of rejection. I almost gave up Christianity, for it wasn’t working for me. The struggle was severe for about 4 years.
I knew Jesus loved me and died for me. I knew He accepted me when I came to Him just as I was. But then I was supposed to grow. However, I kept falling over and over. I knew it wasn’t God’s fault. It had to be something wrong with me. I wondered how God could still accept me when I failed so often.
Out of my own need for inner peace, I decided to set aside my question and focused on the message that Jesus accepted me just as I was. I graduated from college and then seminary and began working as a pastor. When things went well, I felt good about myself. When things didn’t go well I would blame myself. I lived with a lot of insecurity.
Then in 1990 I attended a seminar at Andrews University that included Bible teaching on the everlasting gospel. I learned how God was able to love and accept me. I “discovered” 2 Corinthians 5:19: “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them.” Understanding 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 gave me a whole new perspective of the everlasting gospel. The peace I experienced led to victory, joy, and love for others, as well as security in Christ.