12 STEPS to Recovery — STEP #3
Focus on the Recovery Process
12 STEPS to Recovery — STEP #3
A few years ago, I would have told you that I made this step. I would have said, “Yes, God has full control over my will and my life”. Now, I can call myself a liar. I’ve done the Twelve Step program twice. In my first journey, I soared past the first two steps. I knew that I was powerless. I knew that God was the only one who could help me. Yet, I was trying to do it on my own. I would create rules and regulations for myself and for my relationships. I confidently exclaimed that I was never going to stumble or fall deeper into my addiction. Then, I fell twice as hard and it killed my spirit.
My reality proclaimed my self-deceit. I had never made the decision. Of course, I said that I did (when I got baptized). Yet, I wasn’t living it. I had deep-rooted trust issues. I couldn’t trust my community, my family or essentially, God. Honestly, I couldn’t even trust myself. Imagine being in a room, no doors, and no windows. It’s pitch black. My eyes tried to adjust, to find some light but it couldn’t eradicate the darkness. It’s a scary place to be.
I couldn’t make the decision because I didn’t fully grasp God. I finally understood that I didn’t need to. Step 3 is part of the process of understanding God in the midst of my addiction. I learned about His love and grace. Realizing that He accepts me for me allowed me to relinquish control. I couldn’t make a decision without knowing how he cares for me. As I trust Him more, I can turn over my entire being to Him. Yet, I have to constantly make the decision to turn over my will and my life to Him. By giving up, I win.
Brittany Hill