Blessed Are They That Mourn

Contributed by Angeline D. Brauer, DrPH, MHS, RDN

Jesus wept (John 11:35).

This is the shortest verse in the English Bible, but it contains a treasure house of meaning.

Consider the storyline.  Mary and Martha had lost their brother Lazarus to a grave illness.  As close friends of Jesus, they sent Him word a few days earlier, hoping that He would come and perform a miraculous healing.  But Jesus came too late — Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days.

Upon arrival, Jesus greets Martha with words of promise — Lazarus will rise again (John 11:23).  The two have a theological discussion about the resurrection of the dead and Martha affirms her faith (John 11:24-27).  Martha then calls her sister to greet Jesus.  Note how He responds differently.

Mary approaches Jesus surrounded by other mourners.  She falls at His feet, crying, and through her tears asks why He had not come sooner.  This time Jesus doesn’t initiate a doctrinal conversation, nor does He reiterate the promises of resurrection.  Instead, He is deeply moved (John 11:33) and simply asks to be led to the place of burial.  No words — just a comforting presence is what He gives Mary in that moment.

Two important facts emerge from this part of the story:

1. Everyone mourns differently—even within the same family.
2. The way we respond should be shaped by where they are in their process of mourning. Watching and listening to them, as Christ did, will give us clues as to what is their present need.

Simply put, grief is not one-size-fits-all.

Understanding Grief and Loss

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), grief is defined as “the anguish experienced after significant loss…grief is often distinguished from bereavement and mourning.  Not all bereavements result in a strong grief response, and not all grief is given public expression.”

Grief is often associated with the death of a loved one, but it can also arise from other types of loss.  Grief can come from the loss of pets, a cherished item, or the upheaval caused by losing a home.  Loss of a job or a meaningful role can result in a diminished sense of identity or purpose.  A life-altering diagnosis, major surgery, or dismemberment due to an accident can lead to periods of mourning.  Surviving a catastrophic event or disaster can involve very complex emotions during the grieving process.  Even positive life changes can involve grief, such as when recovering from an addiction may necessitate mourning the loss of a lifestyle associated with the addiction.

As we recognize that grief and mourning are complex processes, we begin to understand why it is essential to have the compassion of Jesus at such times.

Man of Sorrows

The depth of His compassion is encapsulated in the succinct phrase “Jesus wept.”  Recognize that Jesus did not respond with a few teary-eyed sighs.  No— His grief was so profound and expressive, that the onlookers said, “Look! He loved Lazarus very much!” (John 11:36, ERV).

Why did Jesus cry?  During His conversation with the disciples in John 11:11-15, Jesus revealed the future to them — that Lazarus would die from his illness and be raised again to life after a few days.  He knew what was about to happen.  Why did He pause to mourn before performing His greatest miracle?

One reason Jesus stopped was to allow Himself to experience the depths of human grief and sorrow.  Prophet Isaiah foretold that Christ would be “a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief” (Isaiah 53:3, TLB).  Jesus had an intimate, personal experience with sorrow, suffering, and loss. More than simply knowing about grief, He lived through it, carried it, and was impacted by it.  He fully entered human suffering and shared the full range of human anguish.  “It was our grief he bore, our sorrows that weighed him down” (Isaiah 53:4, TLB).  And because of that, we can trust that “this High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses” (Hebrews 4:15, TLB).

As Jesus paused and embraced His grief, He likewise gave us permission to mourn.  By weeping with those who weep He showed us that grief is a real and valid part of human experience.  The overwhelming feelings of sadness, sorrow, despair, longing, distress, guilt, anger—all are real.  All are normal responses to the afflictions faced by every human being.

Permission to Grieve

Jesus invites us to grieve as He did — not without hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14), but with honesty.  Grieving is an essential part of healing.  For each one of us, our personal grief must be acknowledged and accepted as a part of the story of our lives.  Some types of grief, however, are not fully recognized or supported.

Disenfranchised grief refers to situations where the grief may not be socially recognized or acceptable.  Loss of a pet is often a lonely journey.  Likewise, loss of a person who had a strong negative relationship with the griever may not be understood or supported.  The broad definition of loss, as summarized earlier, may not be accepted in the workplace or family circle.  Support systems may not be in place or may not be able to appropriately care for these “unusual” circumstances.  The grieving person may thus feel isolated and uncared for.

Although the story of John 11 is within the context of an universally accepted type of loss—the death of a loved one—other passages in the Scriptures indicate that God is attuned to various forms of human suffering and mourning.

• Hannah cried in anguish over her infertility (1 Samuel 1:9, 10).
• David and his soldiers wept for their families who had been taken as prisoners of war (1 Samuel 30:4).
• David mourned as he flees from his son Absalom (1 Samuel 15:30).
• Ezra and the people wept over their past sins (Ezra 10:1).
• Job mourned for the suffering of others (Job 30:25).
• Daniel mourned as he sought understanding of a prophecy (Daniel 10:2).
• The women wept as Jesus was led to be crucified (Luke 23:28).
• The people wept over Paul before his final journey, sensing that it would lead to his death (Acts 21:13).

The last two passages highlight what is now known as anticipatory grief, which is mourning over known or anticipated future outcomes.  This can be experienced by an individual who is diagnosed with a terminal illness, or by their loved ones.  It can involve grieving over who the sick person once was in the past, mourning the future that they will not experience, and grief over losses they will experience during the course of their illness.

Within these diverse contexts, loss is ubiquitous.  We all experience it along numerous points of our life-long journey.  But not all loss affects us with the same intensity, severity, or duration.

Weeping May Endure

Our response to loss may be impacted by our age at time of loss, gender, availability of social support, and cultural influences on the process of mourning.  Trauma that coincides with the loss can impact the healing process as it may be complicated with other emotions.

Among some grievers, the period of bereavement has been linked to increased risk of chronic diseases (e.g.,  cardiovascular disease, vascular disease, diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure), suicide, mood and anxiety disorders, and death.,  Many of these are associated with physiological and biochemical changes that occur in the body when a person is grieving, such as increased levels of cortisol and an imbalance of the body’s stress response.  Some may experience increases in inflammation or decreases in immune system activity.  Succumbing to addictive behaviors during times of loss is a potential risk due to common brain pathways shared by grief and addiction processes.

Most individuals adapt after six months to a year of grieving; however, a small group are at risk of prolonged grief disorder (PGD) if they continue to experience significant disturbances to daily functioning after one year.  Symptoms of PGD are similar to depression and post traumatic stress disorder, and should be assessed by a qualified healthcare provider to assure that the individual receives appropriate care.

But Joy Comes

The healing process is individual and gradual, and each person should feel supported in their unique journey.  And as they are ready, the following steps can help to nurture hope and move forward on the journey of healing.

1. Make time for yourself. Healing doesn’t often happen instantaneously, but through small steps over time.  What can you do for 5 to 15 minutes a day to be in a place of peace?  Journaling, arts, music, walking outdoors, watching the sunset, etc.  Engage in a simple activity each day that supports your healing.
2. Talk about your loss. Share favorite memories with a friend, family member, or colleague over a cup of tea or warm cocoa.  Engaging in conversations with someone you trust can help you process your grief.
3. Find a support group. Seek a nurturing group that provides for a sense of community and social support.  The Seasons of Grief program provides a safe environment anchored in the ministry of Christ.  Visit org for details.
4. Seek professional care. Our emotional well-being deserves the same attention as our physical health.  Support from a qualified counselor or therapist can help move through the many changes that accompany grief.
5. Make healthy choices. Small daily choices, such as increasing your fruit or vegetable consumption, drinking more fresh water throughout the day, or taking a five minute walk after each meal, can help to decrease our risk of having health complications.  Periods of rest and adequate sleep at night are often overlooked but powerful tools for healing.  An accountability partner or professional (eg, dietitian, health coach, sleep specialist) can help you make achievable changes.
6. Embrace healthy spirituality. Healthy spiritual behaviors can be a source of healing and a form of coping.  But for some, spiritual and religious practices may feel overwhelming during the bereavement period.  Having compassion for yourself, and being assured that God has compassion on you, is important to making your way through the process of mourning.
7. Remember and celebrate. Birthdays, anniversaries, memories or specific places or items may revive old memories at unexpected times.  Being prepared, having times to celebrate the past, and knowing when things may need to be avoided allows for acknowledging the pain of loss while nurturing emotional healing.

Slowly incorporating these into your routine can give you opportunities to find renewed purpose and meaning for life after loss.  Some may experience guilt when pleasurable moments enter their grieving process.  Yet, joy is what God offers us.

In another prophetic declaration, Isaiah foretold that Christ would "preserve those who mourn in Zion, to give to them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:3, MEV).

Jesus restored joy to Mary and Martha by raising Lazarus (John 11:39-45).  This one act assures us that we, too, can be restored to joy through Him—no matter what sorrow afflicts us.  “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4, KJV).

Rejoice Evermore

The story recorded in John 11 contains a wide range of profound emotional experiences.  Just two words — Jesus wept — contain a deeper revelation of Jesus’ mission.

In that moment of shared sorrow, we see not only His power over death but also His deep identification with human pain. He came not just to conquer the grave, but to walk with us through the seasons of grief. His tears remind us that He is not a distant Savior, but a compassionate Friend who meets us in our mourning, validating our sorrow while pointing us to hope.

There is yet another treasure found in the Bible’s other two-word verse:  Rejoice evermore (1 Thessalonians 5:16, KJV).

This instruction is also written in the context of grief and loss, hope and resurrection (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).  The promises Jesus spoke to Martha are reiterated to us: “He died for us so that, whether we are awake in this life or asleep in death, we will live together with him” (1 Thessalonians 5:10, GW).  And His compassionate care for Mary becomes a commission to us all: “So comfort each other and give each other strength” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, ICB).

Two verses; four words.

And one great calling given to each of us today:  to grieve deeply, love compassionately, and share hope of restoration.